I’m not a licensed therapist; I’m just a family court lawyer who has witnessed a lot of suffering in court. In all the years that I have been a family law attorney in Charleston, South Carolina, I’ve witnessed a complete spectrum of human emotion in my clients – anger, disappointment, regret, denial, excitement, relief, and the list goes on.
Letting Go After Your Divorce
Perhaps the most tragic circumstance is when a client won’t let go of their marriage and can’t move on with their life. For them, divorce is the worst thing they can imagine happening to them and the future is a black hole of despair. Blinded by pain, they have difficulty recognizing four truisms:
- What we plan for our lives, and what life has in store for us, are oftentimes two different paths.
- Change is inevitable;
- We can’t control or stop our lives from changing; and
- Changes, even those that seem “bad” such as divorce, lead to new possibilities, many of which are “good.”
Perhaps you’ve visited our website because you want a divorce and you feel that it is the best option for you. Perhaps you are reading these posts because you discovered your spouse is unfaithful and you believe a divorce is inevitable. Perhaps you are reading these words because, despite all outward appearances and your own contentment in your marriage, your spouse is leaving you and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Regardless of why you are facing a divorce or whether it is your choice, divorce is about accepting change.
A Parable About Change – The Farmer
The following parable is perhaps one of the best expressions I’ve ever read about accepting and understanding the changes that life has in store for us. As you start a new chapter in your life after your divorce, perhaps this story will help you to begin to accept the changes that may come with your divorce brings:
There was once was a farmer who lived on a mountain-side with his only son. Together, they carved out a meager living by planting in the hard, rocky soil of the mountain side. To work their land, they owned a single horse, their most important possession, that they hitched to their plow every day.
One evening, the farmer’s only horse slipped out of the corral and ran away. The next morning, the farmer’s neighbors stopped by the farmer’s house to express their concerns for him and his son. The neighbors said, “Oh! What bad luck you have farmer!” The farmer calmly replied “Maybe.”
Several days later, the farmer’s horse trotted back into the empty corral trailed by a whole herd of wild horses. Where the farmer once had a single horse, he now had a dozen! After the farmer and his son corralled all of the horses, their neighbors came by to see the herd and said, “Oh! What good luck you have farmer!” Unexcited, the farmer replied, “Maybe.”
Now that the farmer and his son had a dozen horses, it was time to break in the newcomers. While riding the back of one of the wild horses, the farmer’s son was thrown to the ground and broke is leg. The farmer’s neighbors came to the farmer’s house to express their condolences and said, “Oh! What bad luck you have farmer!” Without sorrow, the farmer replied, “Maybe.”
At that same time, there was a war raging in the farmer’s lands between two rival warlords. The warlord of the farmer’s village was in need of more soldiers, so he sent one of his captains to the farmer’s village to conscript young men to fight in the war in which they would be poorly trained, ill-equipped, and to be on the front lines facing a certain death. When the captain came to take the farmer’s son he found a young man with a broken leg who was delirious with fever. Knowing there was no way the son could fight, the captain left him there. Once again, the neighbors, hearing of the son’s not being taken to fight in the war and of his return to good health, all came to see him. As before, the farmer’s neighbors said, “Oh! What good luck you have farmer!” As before, the farmer replied, “Maybe.”
In the end, by accepting the changes your divorce will bring and by understanding that, over time, those changes may turn out to be neither wholly “good” nor “bad,” you can find “closure” and the strength to move forward in your new life.
Divorce Attorneys in Charleston, South Carolina
If you need a divorce lawyer in Charleston, please call Futeral & Nelson, LLC today for a consultation.